Darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream

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Anyone know with whom was I watching Too Hot to Handle last night? When I turned the tv on this morning the dvr was still running it.

Or if I wasn't watching the movie with anyone, does anyone know who I was drinking with last night?

I woke up to the worst hangover I've had in ten years and a phone call confirming my flying lesson for later today.

Apparently I'm going to become a pilot.

Who can I blame for this?

Kane made me go to Toronto for the ball game between the Sox and Jays because it's Canada Day. Send help.

Anyone want to buy a boyfriend? I'm selling one real cheap. Slightly used but super hot and relatively smart and sort of funny. Downsides include the fact he's Canadian and that he is completely and utterly insufferable to be around right now, thanks to his stupid baseball team winning 11 games in a row.

Any reasonable offers considered.

So I'm FINALLY back from Europe. Looking forward to taking my bike out again and finally picking up the goddamned glasses the optometrist's office has been pestering me to come pick up for nearly a month.

Yes, I have glasses now. It's Jean's fault. Any comments that may be construed as teasing will be met with disembowelment and the playing of jaunty tunes on rib bones with arm bone drumsticks.

Anyway.

Can anyone tell me why there is a fine coating of neon orange cheese dust all over my our the suite I sleep in?

...And why there is a trail of said dust out of the suite towards the west wing common room?

...And why there is a seemingly comatose Mountie wearing a bathrobe, seemingly molded to the couch and smelling like something Death shat out?

...And the name of a good garbage disposal company?

Any help in answering these questions would be much appreciated. Thank you.

Wow.

Ward being NOT DEAD? Best. Birthday present. Ever.

As a result, I'm in the best mood I'll probably be in for a very long time. So if you want something from me- money, real estate, favours, anything, ask now. You're likely never going to find me more agreeable. I mean it.

I can't stop smiling. I kind of hate it. It feels all weird on my face.

And yet I don't want it to stop.

Really? First the Foundation for Genetic Purity burns down and now the FOH gets struck by fucking lightning?

Careful, there, universe. Some of us might think you actually like us.

I'd say this shit should be investigated, but I'm not going to do it without someone paying me to and the only reason I'd want to find out who did it would be to give them some sort of medal or monetary reward.

Tandy made me go see the latest Hobbit movie tonight. I think it's about the twelfth time she's seen it. I wanted to muse on something but she tells me I need to do something called a spoiler alert first. Though if you ask me, the movie's been out almost a month. If you haven't seen it yet do you really care about being 'spoiled' at this point?

What was up with that elf chick? The guy she's known for like three days died and she just sits there crying? So lame! Bad example to women everywhere! Go avenge his dwarven ass! Pick yourself up and get on with your life! Ugh. What a bad role model.

Since that stupid cat insists on sticking around the Kane and the Frost/Bowen suite, I've decided to try and annoy it into leaving forever by forcing it into a Hallowe'en costume. But I can't decide which one. Opinions?

( Under the cut because large pictures )

Let me count the ways.

Tandy got me addicted to this stupid fucking video game. I need retribution. I need payback. I need something stupid to get her addicted to.

Have you guys played it? It's horribly addicting. And competitive. Except I'm stuck on level 17. Not because I can't figure it out. Because I can. I just don't possess the video game skills mecessary to execute the solution.