xp_adrienne | (no subject)

(no subject)

Anyone want to buy a boyfriend? I'm selling one real cheap. Slightly used but super hot and relatively smart and sort of funny. Downsides include the fact he's Canadian and that he is completely and utterly insufferable to be around right now, thanks to his stupid baseball team winning 11 games in a row.

Any reasonable offers considered.

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I've seen his Emo Form. I don't think it would ever work; pretty sure you have to take your boyfriends somewhat seriously. I've heard.

I think I'm the only person who hasn't seen the magical emo form. I suppose I should consider myself lucky. The stories I've heard are pretty frightening.

Well, you had to deal with the smell up close. Not that lucky.

This is true, I did. But I've so far avoided the musical stylings. I consider that a win.

No, you're right. That's a definite win.

(I have to add, though, I could have worn ear buds but even breathing with my mouth I could taste the despair. I don't even want to know what he had to do to regain these fabled abs.)

Mutation. He doesn't even need to exercise. Isn't he sort of the worst?

Ugh, what an asshole.

Let's not lie. I'm insufferable right now because I got to watch them sweep away the dumpsterfire that is your favourite team this weekend. The joy of the 11 game win streak is an entirely other type of gloating.

They aren't my favourite team. They're my team. Big difference!

He is yours.

Your point being?

Eh.

Eh to baseball? Or eh to buying my boyfriend?

Eh to your boyfriend. Baseball, I like.

I challenge you to find a hotter shirtless guy around here than my boyfriend.

Or I would if I wasn't selling him.

I mean, mirror.

Shirtless pic or I don't believe you.

You read my tuxedo that one time. You must know.

I had to delete that out of my brain. I don't remember.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Then my boyfriend is still hotter and you can't eh him!

Just not in the habit of sending shirtless pics to women unless they're bachelorettes who tip really, really well.

That's fine. But it's not a fair contest, then, so you can't eh Kane. That's all I'm saying. You wanna make claims like you did, you gotta have the evidence to back them up!

I mean, I saw your boyfriend covered in crumbs and looking like a sad hobo, so I'm not really looking for validation here.

Did you? Was he playing country music?

No, thank God.

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